The Walk Before the Run
by onemakaveli96
Summary: He asked her “are you happy?”. Addison's delayed reaction to Alex's words opens up a box of opportunities. Addison/Alex. One-shot.


**Title:** The Walk Before the Run  
**Rating:** T  
**Character(s)/Pairing(s):** Addison/Alex  
**Summary: **_He asked her "are you happy?"._ Addison's delayed reaction to Alex's words opens up a box of opportunities.  
**Note:** This fic is a few weeks old, but hopefully the conversation Addison and Alex had in the Grey's/PrPr crossover is still clear to those Addison/Alex fans. This is a follow-up to that. And I hate having to say this, because for someone to just enjoy a fic of mine is wonderful, but I run into this problem on this site a lot, so...if you could please leave some feedback after reading this, I'd really appreciate it. I'm not quite fond of how this story turned out, but even with that I'd really like to hear what you _honestly_ think of this fic. Please & thank you. Enjoy. :)

* * *

The instant he asked, "are you happy?" she realized she'd been categorized into "the woman who began her life anew" and all that went along with that association. The woman who did not 'succeed' in salvaging her marriage (never mind that a marriage involves two individuals). The woman who had to stand around and watch her ex be in love with a younger woman. The woman whose love life and career was stalled in the same hospital where things constantly broke down for her. Yes, she was (supposedly) that woman and that is why she had to find her happiness elsewhere.

He asked her "are you happy?" and after the momentary overdrive her head went into, she logically thought that she was just reading too much into his question, because Dr. Alex Karev could be a jerk and a blunt one at that, but he certainly wasn't the type to tag a person with a stereotype.

Hence, in an attempt to really get at what he was asking, she reminded him, "my brother just had brain surgery…"

When he began his ramble, it amused her. And she finds it amusing up through his reference to running.

"No, I know, I just…I'm with Izzie, did you hear we're together now? And…she's a mess. She's a mess and I know it's my own fault how I'm always picking the crazy chick--present company excepted…I love her, I do. I love her and I want to be with her except…I kinda don't. I kinda want to run--"

She was that woman who had to find her happiness elsewhere. As if she had to run away from Seattle. As if she just had to get away. The only thing she felt she had to get away from was this conversation Alex had initiated with her.

"I kinda want to run, 'cause it's like there's a train coming, there's…I can feel the ground shaking. Something's coming and I kinda just want to run, go somewhere new, start over like you did. So I'm asking--are you happy you did it? Did it work?"

She wasn't that woman. She didn't run, and she certainly did not have to start anything over, and this, for some inexplicable reason, she almost felt the need to explain to Alex. She felt the sudden urge to go into how her life had never been old or new, because her past may be behind her, but it's contributed to her present and will be of use in her future. Because the good and the bad has always been scattered throughout her life, as with anyone else, therefore she hauled everything together to be equipped for the future and keep her level-headed in the now.

It was not his business, though.

"I didn't run, Alex. I walked. I walked away. There's a difference."

Running would have been going to Los Angeles without looking back, without deciding between staying or resigning. What she did was visit Los Angeles, returned to work in Seattle, made a decision, and dutifully resigned before taking the job in Los Angeles. She leaves that to go unsaid, as well.

"Yeah, but are you happy?"

---

On her way back to Los Angeles--not during her last hours in Seattle--she fell in line with a track that kept running over her small conversation with Alex. A conversation that she would keep insisting to herself was entirely insignificant.

However, what should have been irrelevant reactions (facial and verbal) to his words and nearness, played over her nerves during the flight as she attempted to box away the entire encounter. How she kept flitting her eyes away, and when she did meet his eyes, how she held the gaze for too long. How she hesitated in her responses, and an "um" even slipped in there. How she didn't answer him.

Initially, it was easy enough to dismiss it as her knowing better than to hand over the answers on a silver plate when she was only a third party that didn't know the entire situation. As she ruminated over it afterwards, some part of her conscience (the annoying bit) accused her of not being capable of answering him because she didn't have it. Another part (the scared bit) screamed that she didn't answer because the answer was no, she wasn't happy. She gripped onto the part of her conscience that assured her that the answer was yes, she was happy--it just wasn't his place to ask, and it wasn't her place to answer.

She always hated tug-o-wars.

---

Boxing away the encounter after the flight back was simple enough. When her feet hit the pavement of California, her stomach settled and her priorities restructured. She knew it strange for everything to be so different upon arrival, but she hated making anything out of the shift that occurred within her whenever she so happened to land back in either city.

She also knew she wouldn't always manage to escape the conflict of the shift, so when it came to a head, she made it a point to resolve the shift. It came too soon for her liking, and strangely enough, it was prompted by some words from a man she never thought about putting in a box, although she probably should have done so.

---

Nearly a year passed before it was absolutely imperative to return to Seattle Grace Hospital, which frankly, was irritating. Richard had asked her a few times over the year to head up there for one thing or another, as if the place couldn't or wouldn't function without her popping in once every season or so, but eventually a case that could use her, and she could use, pulled her and there she was.

She worked alongside Alex Karev, and it was nice, to say the least. He was a great student, but less and less was he a student, something which she felt proud of since she was the one to really expose the gynecology field to him. He had a knack for obstetrics, and when he's not making rude and judgmental comments, he even seemed to enjoy it--almost a little too intensely, but that's Alex Karev for you.

They work together, and aside from a few inconsequential comments here and there, nothing abnormal transpired until after the patient was discharged. Whether that was a fortunate thing or not remained to be seen, because after discharging the patient, she would be leaving to Los Angeles within two days (and those two days would be dedicated to her friends, Callie, Miranda, and even Mark--if she could pry him away from his girlfriend).

The point is that Dr. Alex Karev waited until Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery to discharge their patient to tell her, "I'm going to screw this up, and you're not going to believe me, and I do care if you believe me or not, but I don't care 'cause I have to say this--I wanted to hear that you were happy because when you left, I thought maybe I was what made you run away. But you said you walked, and I was actually kinda relieved to hear that. And I know that a girl like you doesn't run or anything because of a guy like me. So I forgot it. Except for when Izzie ran away--she ran away. All she left me was a damn note, and I was mad but…Afterwards, I kept thinking that you should have said yeah, that you were happy, so I could've run the hell away."

"Alex--"

"Just let me finish."

She nodded and she flitted her eyes away, because she couldn't look at him because he was making no sense and if she held his gaze completely, she felt like she'd get a little too confused.

"Alright," she nodded twice.

"But then more time passed, and I was glad you didn't tell me yes or no, because I wouldn't have looked back if you said yes until everything caught up and crashed down on me if you said yes. Because I would always wonder 'what if' if you had said yes but I never ran away. Because I wouldn't have seen the possibilities if you had said no. But now, I see the possibilities and I know that I did what I could to be with Izzie, and still it didn't work."

Realizing what he was getting at, she finished the thought for him and said, "You don't have to wonder."

"Except for one thing," he whispered, closing the proximity between them.

He was warm, but that was nothing she hadn't felt from him before. He was like this frozen up entity that suddenly became warmth the instant love grazed his skin, but in actuality all he was, was infatuated, as she came to find out a year and many months ago.

His lips pressed against hers, and although she welcomed the warmth, she let go before a minute passed.

"We've been through this before, Alex, and I am not going to go through it again." Her whisper would be coarse, and one could even call it hesitant, but it wasn't to be taken lightly

Alex was a cross of arrogance and soul, and he exuded the latter in his formative string of words, but he expresses the former with his follow-up words, "you still like me," he said with a smirk.

It was true. She realized this a year ago, on her flight back to LA as she thought about their brief conversation regarding his relationship with Izzie Stevens, running, and happiness. She boxed it in when her hit feet the ground, though, and now it seeped back out because she never boxed the man in to begin with.

---

Alex Karev didn't fit in a box.

It was a simple observation, and perhaps the easy explanation, but it was the truth. Anyone could chalk it up to his personality and person just being far more complex than the men previously in Addison's life, but only Addison could correctly identify the reason for him not going in a box.

Alex Karev didn't go in a box because Addison Forbes Montgomery rather he not.

---

"This living with Meredith Grey doesn't really suit you, Karev," she mumbled as she looked around the entrance to the house after Alex had opened the door.

"Yeah, I know. Good thing I'm moving out in a couple of weeks. What makes you say that, though?"

"Because Grey could pop in any second and realize I'm here…talking to you." Realizing the implication of her word choice, she quickly tried amending herself--"Not that I'm ashamed of speaking with you, or that I have to hide this visit or anything of the sort, I just meant--"

He grinned at her obvious nerves. "No, I know."

She bit her lip and stood awkwardly still on the welcome mat before letting out a laugh. "So are you going to invite me in?"

"I already did," he reminded her of the invitation he extended and she rejected when he opened the door.

"Right," she clicked her tongue and nervously ran a hand through her hair, "I just…"

She trailed off, but quickly gather herself and cleared her throat. "How would this even work, Alex? This, us? How would we…I work at a private practice in LA, you're doing your residency in Seattle…I mean…"

Her face contorted with her words, and upon stopping she raised an eyebrow at him, but she hardly gave him a chance to speak up when she jumped in to add, "Unless that kiss was just a kiss, and when you said 'except for one thing' when I said you don't have to wonder, you were referring to something else entirely."

Finally stopping, she sighed, but Alex kept a lock on her eyes and with perfect calm explained himself. "We do the calling thing. We talk on the phone. We don't make it complicated--you can date whoever you want. I'll get jealous and I won't wish the guys you date well, but since it'll be our understanding, I'll be understanding…sorta. We'll visit each other when we can. We'll take things one step at a time. Because no, I wasn't referring to something else--I do wonder what it'd be like."

"What about you? Will you date whoever you want?"

"If by some crazy chance, I meet someone I want, maybe."

"Alex, do you hear yourself? A year ago, you were in love with Dr. Stevens. Before that, you wanted Ava. And before that…well, I don't know what. I just know that I've always known you've had a thing for Izzie Stevens--before me and after anyone else--you've wanted Izzie Stevens. You'll want her again."

"It didn't work out. It never does with her."

"Someday it could--and even if not, you'd always want her."

He shook his head, looked away, crossed his arms over his chest, and looked back up. "After she left…when she was diagnosed, I stood by her. When she began treatment, I stood by her. But she kept wanting to do it alone--through treatment, I felt like an outsider. I loved her, but things changed…she changed. After she left--after the note, she called me eventually to say she was sorry and that maybe someday we could try again."

He paused. "I said no." Another pause. "I said I got that she was sorry and I got why she ran away, why she left. But I also got that we deserved better than to settle for each other. We were the easy way out--chemistry, hot sex, crazy arguments, stubborn asses, good understanding, fun moments. We deserve more than that."

"Yes, Alex, because that sounds like such a terrible fate--two people imperfectly compatible who enjoy each other's company--"

"Stop, Addison! You know what I'm trying to say! I--it's just enough, and I don't want to settle for that crap."

"That I do understand. Which I why I find all of this absolutely ridiculous. Why me? There are millions of women out there in the world--billions! And of course, there's always the option of being happily single, if even for a second."

"Iz and I haven't been together for months. I've been with other girls, and I've been single since then, but you're the one I wonder about, and I know you wonder about me."

"Yes. But sometimes those 'what ifs' are better left as is, because reality isn't quite as peachy as those daydreams."

"We'll never know if we don't try."

He had always been arrogance and soul and bluntness and intellect and indifference and compassion, and every bit of him had an infusion of passion that tested the patience of anyone within a mile. And mixed with the right person, you could argue with him night and day and never know whether to strangle or envelop him. She could argue with him over this for the next dozen years or so.

Instead, she took to a date and time for them to finitely discuss the argument.

"I'm leaving the day after tomorrow. But tomorrow, at six pm, you will meet me at Italian Bistro two blocks down from Joe's where you will attempt to convince me to agree to your proposition."

---

In Los Angeles, she was far more carefree. In Seattle, she was far more self-conscious. Neither was exactly a terrible a thing, but neither was exactly a great thing. There was a middle somewhere, and she knew she'd met that middle before, but it escaped her and left her to be one thing in one city, and another in the other city. It was this middle she searched for after Alex Karev's words, because shifting finally caught up with her.

---

"I think you're scared."

"And I think long distance relationships don't work to anyone's advantage. I know you don't hold long distance relationships in high regards either, Alex."

"I think everything could be resolved if you just quit that job and return to a real hospital."

"I think…you've gotten desperate if you've resorted to insults."

"I think you're scared."

"I think we're being overly redundant now and just going in circles."

"You're just not letting up."

"Neither are you."

Laughing, he took a swig of his scotch and leaned back in his chair. He let silence hang between them while he rubbed his hands then looked intently at her. Before they fell into a battle of the stares, he got up, pulled out his wallet, grabbed a wad of bills he threw on their table, and pulled her out of her chair.

"Alex, what--" she laughed, only slightly resisting.

"We're just going outside," he nodded to the door, and pulled her hand some more.

Suspicious, but willing to give him some leeway, she murmured, "okay" and quit resisting.

They stepped outside to be hit by strong gusts of winds, causing her to let go of his hand so she could wrap her sweater jacket tighter around her. Being kept focused by the buttons of her sweater, she jumped a little when she felt his hands on her forearms and his breath tickling her nose.

He leaned down further, reaching for her lips, but she momentarily pulled away and with a chuckle commented, "you're cheating" in reference to their discussion of initiating a form of relationship or not.

"I don't care," he mumbled in return before his mouth covered her own.

As she had been buttoning her sweater, she had mentally chastised herself for not bringing along a scarf to wrap around her neck. When his right hand curled up by her neck, though, she was glad to have forgotten the scarf. Then his left arm wrapped around her waist, and he was kissing her fully, and because she felt like it was too much but not enough of him holding onto her, she knew the argument was over.


End file.
